Thursday, October 14

handicap #2...or happy halloween

I often tell people that my little arm is the least of my disabilities. Though, in an odd move of irony on God’s part, it is usually the most obvious. It is also the original. But I feel we’ve now come to a level of intimacy in this relationship, that I can introduce you to handicap #2.

My spine was fine until I embarked on that wonderful and joy-filled journey called puberty, and then it decided to leave the straight path and get a little crazy. I was twelve when the school nurse told me I had scoliosis, and over the next year or so, the curves in
my spine progressed to 20˚, 43˚, and 18˚ from top to bottom. While all the girls were getting a little more curvy, I became a reverse hourglass, structurally speaking.
“You have to have surgery, and it’s gonna hurt like hell,” a surgeon told me. They wanted to break my spine, fuse it back together with bone taken from my hips, then hold it in place with metal rods and screws. “Will I be able to do somersaults?,” I asked. “No, you’ll be able to bend at the waist, but that’s about it,” they said. I was devastated. I still remember walking outside after that first consultation, noting the jarring contrast between a bright sunny day and the darkness settling into my soul.
Though we scheduled the surgery, the day never came because I began instead a series of alternative treatments and gyrations ranging from experimental to truly bizarre. I spent three years wearing a brace for 18 hours a day that was supposed to squeeze my spine back into place, like dental braces; and spent the remaining six hours in various therapies including electrical muscle stimulation. I saw doctors and chiropractors and therapists all across the country. When I went in for X-ray evaluations, I’d sit in the always slightly chilly examination room waiting for the doctor, looking at my incandescent spine hanging on the wall with embarrassment. Like a kid called into the principal’s office, I dreaded the words that I knew would come: “Wow. Yeah, you have quite the curve here. Why haven’t you had surgery?”
And so it went. Some of the constant pain eased in my early 20s, but the fatigue and general lack of structural support dogged me. Good posture was a distant fantasy. I lusted after the sleek, balanced flow of torsos in nude paintings. My spine didn’t get better, but it didn’t seem to be getting worse. Eventually I stopped wearing the brace and went to college.

A few years
ago, I found the brace at the back of my closet; I’d held onto it just in case. For what? I thought. And so I threw it out. Unexpectedly, something cleared in my soul, and I suddenly felt the weight of my years of imprisonment in full force: long hot days sticking to the brace with my sweaty undershirt, the helpless claustrophobia of knowing I had five hours to go before a brief freedom, then evening lockdown when one of my parents cinched me in and I went to bed with aching muscles, wrapped in a hard plastic cylinder. It all came back, blindsiding my consciousness. I started crying in heaving, unseemly outbursts.

-------------------------

This week, I went in for a spinal evaluation with a doctor I’d never seen. Having been a scoliosis delinquent bucking the system for nearly 20 years, I was suddenly twelve again, expecting a lecture about the bright prospects of a future without fusion: increasing curvature, compromised lungs, side effects of pregnancy, and heart failure. In my mind, I was slowly becoming Quasimodo with one arm.

I sat on the exam table, wrapped in a balloon of hospital gown. New development: they now give you shorts to wear as well. The bad news: the shorts are also made to fit a 400 lb. man. I felt defeated; now entering my thirties, I prepared myself to agree with the recommendation I knew would come. Little Gen waited in the chair next to me, an inflated purple latex glove pinned to the top of her head like a rooster comb; anything to lighten the mood.

First came fifth-year-resident, Dr. Cute-as-a-Boy-Scout, and appearing about that age. He looked at the X-rays, he looked at my back, he looked at Little Gen’s purple plume, and then he said,

"Where is your arm?"

It took me a few seconds to locate Finneas beneath layers of gown. Then he continued...

“There are two basic reasons for this surgery, to stop progression and to intervene in cases of very limited functionality, neither of which do you qualify for. I wouldn’t recommend surgery for you.”

“Come again?” I said.

“Your curve is not likely to progress and you are extremely functional.” Seeing my disbelief, he looked back at my chart, raising his brows and shaking his head, “You are...amazing.”

The second doctor’s prognosis was the same: no surgery, though I continued to ask the same questions two and three times, certain that I was missing something. “You’ve got a sassy curve,” the surgeon said, “now get out there and enjoy life!”

Gathering up my bundle of skeleton pictures, we left the office. A weight was lifted I'd borne for 18 years. I was almost giddy.



---------------------------

Bringing my own skeleton out of the closet this week, I’m reminded of all the people around here talking about dressing up for Halloween. The scary thing is, most of these people are adults. When I was a kid, we went trick-or-treating with our neighbors Rose, Ben, and Rachel [who’s lovely blog you can find here: MaƱana Mama], though it was more like trick-or-surprising, since our country neighbors, rarely expecting to be found by candy-seeking children, filled our open bags with unique treats like pop-tarts.

One year, a woman was so delighted to see us, she bubbled
on and on about the authenticity of our costumes; looking at me she squealed: “And this one’s even missing an arm!” I decided to just roll with it.
But I’m not inclined to dress up this year. Oddity is daily life for me, and now that I have permission, I’m just starting to enjoy being myself.

OneArmGirl

Sunday, October 10

the journey is overrated

So, as I was saying, this is the end of a story. It begins with Little Gen and I deciding to continue a Fall tradition of sorts, begun by our father, of going to the mountains for apple cider. The Manzanos, in particular, mountains conveniently named ‘apples’ in Spanish. We like to keep things simple here in New Mexico.

And so, semi-early on a Monday morning, we set out, two sun-dried tomato tortilla wraps and plenty of water in tow. In keeping with family tradition, we did not call ahead to ensure the availability of apple cider so as not to ‘ruin’ the adventure. Little Gen offered this encouraging admonition: "Sometimes we find it, sometimes we don't."

About an hour later, we found ourselves on a stretch of road heading south, passing signs for the mountain towns of Chilili, Torreon, and Mountainair. But we knew we’d found the right trail when these signs began to appear every hundred feet or so, directing us right to the very place where the manzanos are turned into cider.

The good news: we found the the place. The bad news: it was open Thursday through Sunday only. Our hopes only mildly suppressed, we took a picture with the sign, and turned around. Our treasure hunt was not fruitless, however. Right after we turned back, we spotted two deer, a doe and buck, in the brush on the side of the road. Also, we passed this intriguing sign for a book sale with no books in sight for miles.

Still imagining the taste of sweet cider from the source, we stopped at a local service station advertising cider. But inside, no cider was to be found. Determined, we stopped again at a small general store with signs for local cider. Inside, we found only cherry or raspberry flavored cider. Is it too much to ask for a normal quart of cider! Apparently it is. Getting a little desperate by this point, we paid for some cherry and left. Note: I’m pretty sure the cherry was well on it’s way to hard cider.

And, so, the story ends here, a few miles from our apartment, at our beloved Sunflower Market, where we finally purchased a gallon of apple cider in the refrigerated foods section. And where was said cider from? Lansdale, Pennsylvania. Unbelievable. This story was not as exciting as you’d anticipated? Well, join the club.

In other news, today was the last day of Balloon Fi
esta, or the Balloon Fiasco, as I heard some photographers from the local paper call it. I bribed Little Gen with Starbucks to get up at 6am to go find a nice viewing spot for the mass ascension of hot air balloons. It was everything Balloon Fiesta should be....miserably cold, wrinkled winter coats just pulled from the closet, and glorious fire-lifted orbs ascending into the desert sky. The only thing missing from our location were hoards of people. But I think I prefer yesterday when one lone balloon silently sailed down the street, a half block from my apartment. Turns out, sometimes the adventure comes to you.

OneArmGirl

Thursday, October 7

to tide you over...


This is the end of a story. For the beginning of the story, please tune in sometime in the near future, when I have a minute to actually spend some quality time with my computer. We had a hay situation arise this week at the farm, so I've spent the morning pulling bales of fresh hay off a truck (quite enjoyable) and getting hit on by one of the delivery guys (slightly less enjoyable). Now I am off to the City....of the Holy Faith of St. Francis of Assisi (and that's just the part I remember)...or, as we locals say, Santa Fe.

So, who knows what may transpire between now and when I next post; perhaps two or three more stories...

OneArmGirl

PS. If this delay in your Thursday post has significantly inconvenienced you, please feel free to take it up with our PR department. They will be more than happy to give you a free six month subscription to this blog. ;)

Tuesday, October 5

thank you thank you thank you...thank you

It's October. That means the OneArmGirl has been writing for five months! Can you believe it? She's faithfully posted once a week since May, even that one week she went on vacation to Montana and had to drive 500 miles and battle a moose to get to the closest internet cafe. Ok, so it's never been that hard. But still, we here at OneArmGirl Headquarters would like to take a moment to step back, contemplate the results, consider all the silliness and internet space wasted (goodness, I hope we're not running low), and be amazed. We never thought we could do it. Least of all, me, the OneArmGirl...though talking about myself in the third person and the plural was an unanticipated side effect. Has me a little concerned, actually.

But I digress. I logged on this here crazy train because I want to say thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who decided to join this adventure with me, to check in, to read what I thought might only interest my mother, and to leave comments which mean the world to someone for whom, some days, the most exciting thing that happens is a trip to Walmart for toilet paper. I
couldn't do it without you. Really.

Inexplicably, I now have 27 followers, a responsibility I take very seriously, if only I knew what it meant. And there are others of you who drop by faithfully, though invisibly. I understand, I recently signed up for alerts from a beauty store I infrequent, and regretted it the very next time I logged into my email.

Most of my readers are in the USA, understandably. But my international audience is growing as well, as I happ
ily discovered this week when I finally learned how to check my blog statistics. The second largest group peers across the pond from the United Kingdom; and I would like to take this opportunity to apologize for my sadly out-of-shape wit, which I know is a national pastime there. And third, to my genuine consternation, with a whopping 115 page views, is Germany. Not sure how I got so popular there, but I'm pretty sure David Hasselhoff is involved. So here's a shout out to my ancestral homeland, or materland...or something...unfortunately language abilities do not come with genes.

South America and Africa, you may want to step it up a bit. India is making you look bad. What? You're too busy fighting hunger and civil unrest? Oh. Ok.

But I would like to conclude this excessively verbose expression of appreciation with an invitation. If it weren't for your comments and feedback, I'm sure I wouldn't still be here today. Really, I'm not that committed; I don't find myself that entertaining. And so, because I'm here because you are here, it seems only fair that this blog be at your service. And I need you to help me to make it that way. I want to hear more from you....what you like, what you'd rather never see again, w
hat you want to know more about...How does a one-armed girl....? You fill in the blank.

I wake up with myself every day, and quite frankly, I'm bored. I have no idea why you people find me so interesting. Help me out. You say jump and I'll say, "How high? Are you out of your ever-loving mind?!" But if at all possible, I'll do it for you, because I love you, and because you validate my unorthodox vocational choices.


Leave me a comment, or, if you'd rather send feedback privately, you can email OneArmGirl@gmail.com. If you think this is a desperate cry for affirmation, well, I'll admit, it's a nice side effect.

OneArmGirl


PS. If you're freaking out because it isn't Thursday, un-bunch your tighty whiteys, this was just a public service announcement...

Thursday, September 30

on the other hand

Last week I posed a question on the ‘Barn Notes’ blackboard at the farm: How many fingers does Tasha have on her little hand? I gave options of two, three, or four. The overwhelming majority of two votes went with four. False; I have three fingers on that hand [see post ‘Meet Finneas’].

“Alright, I want to know who gave me an extra finger,” I say at a recent staff dinner party. I look at Pete. “I know how many fingers you have,” he says, insulted. Two women on support staff confess. Still, I have to give them poi
nts for playing the game...and making me smile.

Three-digited Finneas and I went for a much needed massage a few days back. Being on the rebound from another therapist, I was hesitant to put myself back in the game, but Gary came highly recommended. He used to be an electrician, which is why he has such stellar strength in his hands: the better to massage you with. He asks if he should work on my little hand, which I appreciate, considering some body work professionals seem to pretend they don’t know it’s there. I refrain from saying Finneas would be hurt if we left him out; first impressions are still at play. Never mind that within a half hour of meeting Gary, I’m lying naked on his table...massage table, just to be clear. We discuss how I’ve considered going into massage therapy as a profession because I’m such a believer and enjoy the work, but I’m afraid I’d be on the fast track to one-arm burnout. It wouldn’t really be fair to put so much responsibility on the big arm.

“You’ve got some real muscle there, girl,” Gary says holding my right arm, noting the tone built from lifting saddles, and everything else, all summer long
. I shrug it off, but am secretly flattered. Plus, nothing feels so good as having my 'good' arm massaged. Consistently suffering from neglect, it hardly knows what to do with that kind of attention. I bask in the moment. I’d take this over a bouquet of flowers any day. I may have gotten the short end on one side, no pun intended, but no pride withheld, the big arm is pretty awesome. [Who am I kidding, I fully intend to use as many puns as a person can in one lifetime.]

My pride on the massage table is short-lived. "You don't use that arm much, do you?," Gary remarks after apparently noticing Finneas' comparably little muscle mass. I do actually, but now I'm wondering if the big arm has set the standard too high. What was he expecting, The Hulk? It's five inches long! Either way, I make a mental note to start lifting tiny weights.


“I’ve pulled your arm,” Pete says one evening in the barn. “What? You have?,” I’m so confused I don’t even remember what p
recipitated this comment. “Yeah, you told me to.” I search my brain for what bizarre circumstances could have led to this, and more importantly why I can't remember, until I finally realize I’m thinking of the wrong arm, the one that most often interacts with people. I momentarily forget that I’m so proud of Finneas’ unexpected strength that I am habitually daring people to give him a good tug. Most people willingly, if hesitantly, oblige, after first checking to make sure they heard me correctly, then reaching out into the unknown like a determined pioneer.

Here is a conversation that actually took place in reference to the recent envelop-pushing photo taken of my friend Joey biting Finneas [see “oh yes we did”]....

Stevo: “Dude, did you
actually bite it?”

Joey: “No, not hard, but I actually put it between my teeth.”

Stevo: “What did it feel like?”

Joey: “Umm...just really soft, man.”

Stevo: “Oh, yeah I guess that makes sense, probably because she doesn’t use it as much...like a boob.”

Be honest, now you're curious. Just call first to schedule an appointment.

OneArmGirl

Thursday, September 23

my limbless nemesis

This is Nick Vujicic. He was born with no arms or legs, but one foot-like appendage where his left leg might have been.

I do not know Nick
, nor have I ever met him, but every so often I receive an email about him from well-meaning friends and relatives, who are, I assume, intending to encourage me with his inspirational story. Often attached is a YouTube video of Nick on his world-wide public speaking tour saying something like, ‘No matter who you are, or what your situation, don’t give up, there’s always hope....’ Cut to young girl in the audience with a single tear rolling down her cheek.

Unfortunately, these electronic missiv
es usually end up having the opposite effect on me. The message I hear is ‘Hey, here’s a guy similar to you, only better.’ Not only is he missing three more limbs than me, he’s now an international celebrity, and as evidenced on YouTube, a far superior swimmer. To add insult to injury, he’s got a super sexy Australian accent.

The dude’s making me lo
ok bad. Why even get up in the morning? I’m sure Nick Vujicic was up five hours before, had coffee and read the Wall Street Journal, and is now off on a ten mile bike run using only his little foot to pedal uphill. Me, I’m still using my one arm to wipe the puddle of slobber off my pillow.

So what do you do when you’re overcome by jealousy and also have a propensity for obsessive preoccupation with pretty much anything?...Learn as much as you can, of course. This morning, I found Nick’s web site and watched a video of him at home going through his daily routine, combing his hair, brushing his teeth, typing at his computer...Hmm, impressive. I find myself watching with great interest as he holds a cup under the water dispenser, while pushing the lever with his forehead. Then I click on a video summary of a visit to a prison in California. He speaks from his heart, about faith being his foundation, and how much he loves the men in blue jumpsuits spread across the lawn. Yeah, did I mention he loves Jesus, too.

Afterward, the inmates stand in line just to meet Nick and give him a hug, some holding onto him, obviously not wanting to let go. I’m smiling, moved by the bare emotion coming to the surface on these men. Then, I start to cry.

Dammit! I’ve been inspired.


So, Nick, wherever you are, or if you ever happen to read this (which is unlikely considering how busy you keep making appearan
ces
to your adoring fans), I admit it, you got to me. And now I’d kind of like to meet you and give you a hug. I think we could be friends. Maybe start a club. Do you need a one-armed girl roadie? Nick?

In case I’ve peaked your interest, here’s the web address to Nick’s blog: www.lifewithoutlimbs.org/nick. But if you start reading his blog instead of mine, we can no longer be friends, because I’ll have to hate you.

And to my wonderful well-meaning friends and relatives, don’t stop sending me those
inspirational forwards. They say keep your enemies closer, after all. But seriously, I’d miss seeing Nick Vujicic in my inbox.

OneArmGirl





Thursday, September 16

love is in the air

Kristy is dating Jose´. Rico is Kristy's friend from childhood. Rico is dating Diane. But last week at Merrymakers, Diane got a little jealous, and has since threatened to jump Kristy. So far, nothing's happened. And then there's Brian. Brian likes Kristy and takes her to the mall and buys things for her, but apparently Kristy is more into the bad boys. At least this is the story circulating around the farm.

Kristy is on her cell phone sorting this out while I'm saddling a horse for her to ride. This is not the first time I've noted this autistic woman has a more interesting love life than I've ever had. Every Friday night, they go dancing at Merrymakers, the social event of the week for mentally challenged adults. I'm usually just waking up from a Friday afternoon exhaustion induced coma in time to go to bed around this time. Now, apparently, Jose´is trying to take Kristy to the movies. I wonder if they would let me attend Merrymakers...

I'm certainly feeling mentally challenged today. I've already tried to focus on four different things this morning and lost interest in them all within five seconds of commencing with the best of intentions. I'm surprised I managed to finish my coffee.

All signs would suggest now is not the time to be pondering my love life. But I'm falling in love, as I do every year, with the coming Autumn: cooler nights and roasted green chile. I know Fall is coming because my kitchen cupboards have been closing and staying shut. It's been four or five months of pleading and pushing to get the heat-swollen doors to fit back into place, and now suddenly, they click nicely shut as if to say, "What, we were made to do this."

Pete, a.k.a. maintenance guru, tells me his horoscope predicted he would run into an old flame, and sure enough, he did, in the Target parking lot. I'm basically in love with Pete. At least, I'm in love with the idea of him. He drives a white Chevy Silverado lifted on tough tires, wears his long black hair tied back in a series of rubber bands, and has a collection of reptiles at his house requiring a special license. From everything I've heard, he's the bad boy defined. But Kristy calls him Uncle Pete.

I've not heard of something at the farm Pete couldn't fix and anything I need, he can and will build. He recently mentioned he used to work in custom auto modifications for people with handicaps. But he's not very good with emotions, he admits, then tells me about his daughter's recent heartbreak over a boyfriend who's moved away. "I was out in the garage building a 'gater pen...I recently got a 'gater...and she was crying and came out and I knew she needed to talk about it, so I stopped and hugged her. Then she cried harder and I tried to tell her long distance relationships are hard for adults and she's only sixteen..."

"Wait," I say, "You have an alligator?!"

Very unexpectedly, I ended up on a date Monday night. At least I think that's what it was. Jake is a PhD student in mathematics at Colorado State who loves fishing and country music in the summertime. Turns out, we both share a passion for washing dishes, and after four hours of conversation, he asks for my number. Unfortunately, he'll be leaving to go back to Colorado in a week. This has become a pattern in my life...a connection is made just before one of us is pulled away by geographic force. I'm beginning to wonder if it's divinely intentional.

Last night, Pete tells me he's started school to become a motorcycle mechanic. I shake my head wondering if there's anything else he could do to fit my bad ass fantasy. But he's haunted by the past and the low expectations people have of him. What I want is to ride off on a motorcycle with him, but instead I tell him what I know he needs to hear. "The thing is," I stammer, "God loves you...not like God loves everyone...but, God loves you, Pete, especially. It doesn't matter what other people think."

It's been a good week, but driving away from the farm, in the dark, I feel lonely. Love continues to evade me. Jake hasn't called. I feel convicted by my admonition to Pete, but the temptation to pout is stronger.

A little spitefully, I turn to God: "What? We were made to do this."

OneArmGirl


*middle pic is Pete holding a toad for 'Lil Sis